manners monday: shopping



After spending a few years as a bridal consultant, I can honestly say I’m shocked by some people’s behavior when shopping.  Truth be told, I occasionally gave my brides the benefit of the doubt as I know firsthand how much stress is associated with wedding planning, but still… stress is no excuse for being rude.

After leaving the bridal industry, I can justly say that I’ve seen everything.  That being said, I tip my hat to anyone working in retail.

Enjoy!!

1.       Smile.  First impressions are everything and a simple smile will not only put you in a better mood, it can raise a salesperson’s spirits.

2.       Greet the salesperson if they don’t greet you.  If the salesperson doesn’t greet you, don’t take it personally.  They are most likely distracted or may not know you are there.

3.       If you don’t want help, say ‘I’m just browsing/looking around’.  Not everyone who goes shopping knows exactly what they want.  Sometimes we want to spend a leisurely afternoon just browsing.  I’ve found it odd that the people who in fact just want to browse don’t communicate this to the salesperson.  As a result from not communicating, these browsers end up feeling pressured and have a bad experience at the store.  Back in my bridal days, when I would tell people where I worked, they would ask ‘Why aren’t customers allowed to just look around’ or tell me some bad experience they had while trying to browse. Ugh.  Bottom line:  Communicate with the salesperson if you just want to look around.  This will alleviate stress from both you and the salesperson… and trust me, you will end up with all the uninterrupted browsing time your heart desires.  If you experience a pushy salesperson, the key is letting them know you’ll find them when you need help.

4.       If you have a question, ASK.  This one is pretty dang simple.  If you have a question about a sale, ASK.  If you are unsure of a price, ASK.  If you want a price estimate, ASK.  A lot of shoppers assume the shirt they want is on sale or hope the cashier will honor their expired coupon at checkout. One can alleviate a lot of stress (and embarrassment) at the checkout if questions are brought up early on.

5.       If necessary, make an appointment.  If you plan on shopping at a venue that takes appointments or pairs you up with a personal shopper/consultant and are unsure if you need an appointment or not, I’d highly suggest calling the business and asking.  It’s also important to be respectful to the staff at businesses that require appointments.  Should you be turned away from a bridal shop because you didn’t have an appointment, its bad practice to cause a stir and be mouthy with the staff.  If you have an appointment, it’s disrespectful to show up late or even worse, not show up at all.

6.       Patience is a virtue.  Shopping, especially during the holidays, can be very stressful time for everyone.  Keep in mind that although you can’t stand another minute shimmying through the loud, noisy, cranky holiday crowd, the salegirl probably feels the same way and has another 7 hours left in her shift.  Also, it’s important to remember the first come, first serve rule.  Just because you have a yoga class in 45 doesn’t give you special treatment to cut in front of me in line, sorry.

7.       Complain to the correct person.  Ahh, the complainers…oh how I love them.  I dealt with MANY bridezillas back in my day and I always thought it was funny that they would complain to everyone with a David’s Bridal badge on before speaking to the manager.  Yelling at a salesclerk isn’t going to solve your problem.  If one needs to complain, I highly suggest going straight to the manager.  As tempting as it is to vent to the cashier about the lack of size 7 shoes in stock, that cashier won’t be able to help you.  Lastly, after one has approached the manager, I suggest framing the complaint clearly and simply. No venting, please.

8.       Dress appropriately.  It’s 2013 and by now everyone should have seen Peopleofwalmart.com, right?  Wrong.  Clothing that certain individuals think is socially acceptable for wearing in public still amazes me.  Seriously, if you know you’re going to the mall why not put on a bra?  Just last week I was at Bed Bath and Beyond and saw a girl wearing cotton bootyshorts with ‘lovergirl’ on the behind, a white tank top (that barely covered her tummy) with a hot pink lacy bra peeking out, and boots on a 43 degree day.  Yeah…. You get my point.

9.       Clean up after yourself.  We’ve all been there.  We excitedly rush into the fitting room and not being able to hang our clothes up due to the 5 shirts taking up hanger space, 3 pairs of jeans laying on the ground, and a couple dresses, inside out, strewn across the bench in the room.

10.    Don’t expect a personal shopper.  I’ve witnessed plenty a women get their feathers ruffled after a salesgirl went to help another customer.  It’s common in retail to have 3 or 4 scheduled workers on the sales floor each shift.  Due to weekends, sales, and holidays stores are slightly busier and although the salesgirl assisting you would like to give you one-on-one attention the entire afternoon while you try on everything in the petites section, the salesgirl has other customers to help.  If there is a dire need for one-on-one attention, I suggest shopping during hours where the store is less busy or calling the manager ahead of time to make arrangements.

Manners Monday: the modern career woman

Hi all! I hope you all had a wonderful weekend.

Unfortunately, the weekend ended too soon for me and now it's Monday. Yuck. Back to life, and back to the reality of heading back to work. For all of you who may be sharing a manic Monday with me, I hope you enjoy my career inspired post.

For us women, times AND expectations have changed for us job-wise. In the early days, it was much easier for children to live off their parent's dime then it is today. Gals could breeze through college and if they weren't married, they could move away to 'find themselves' without the expectation of them getting a job. Today, things are way different. College is spendy. So is life after college. Sure, there are a few trust fund babies who can bat an eyelash and daddy will buy them a Bentley and cover their bills, but for most of us...this doesn't happen.  That being said, entering the workforce can be tricky and us ladies may encounter several unexpected roadblocks. Below I have listed a few tricks and tips and tricks that have always worked for me. Enjoy!

Number 1:  Be on time.  This shouldn't be too hard, right? Wrong.  For some folks, getting to work on time after a morning of juggling children, commuting, or even primping yourself for the day can be a total chore. The truth is, not everyone is a morning person. Even if we aren't we should try are hardest to fake it for our employer's sake.  Getting to work on time shows that you are reliable, and reliability is very important in the eyes of our employer's.  Even if your manager is totally lax in regards to punctuality, you may still run the risk of losing a promotion to another team member due to this.

Number 2:  Choose your attire wisely.  'First impressions are everything', 'Dress for success', 'Dress for the job you want, not the job you have'.  I bet you have heard these phrases more than once, right?  I can't stress these 3 statements enough.  I feel it's very important to be conscious of what you wear to work. 

Some jobs out there are filled to the brim with singles who have just graduated college.  The girls who take these jobs want to look cute and sometimes looking cutes enables them to become lax about dress codes and modesty.  Yes, these girls will probably snag some attention from their male counterparts but may snag some negative attention as well.  Employers notice what we wear way more than we actually realize. 

A simple shift dress, skirt (knee length preferably) and cute top, or slacks and a blouse can do wonders for your professional image.  Some may think that work clothes are boring and ugly.  If you are one that frowns upon frumpy work wear, I'd suggest jazzing up and outfit with accessories.  A scarf, statement necklace, or fun pair of shoes can add a little spice to what once was a bland outfit. 

Number 3:  Don't gossip or buddy up.  As simple as it sounds, not gossiping can be extremely hard for some.  One of the worst things a person can do to their personal and professional image is gossip in the workplace.  Not only can it damage another person’s character, it can ruin your credibility as an employee. I will get into the subject of gossip another time, but I'd like to reiterate that it's an absolute no-no in the career world. Keep the gossip and snark for after work, please.

At a conference a few years back, one speaker noted the importance of not eating with the same person at lunch every day.  The speaker went on to explain that if you lunch with the same person every day, others may be less likely to approach you or connect with you.  Why you may ask?  The reason is, by spending each lunch with your work BFF, you will be viewed as cliqueish.  Bosses are drawn to employees who can get along and engage with everyone and even something as small as this can cause your manager to get the wrong idea about you.

Number 4:  Find your ‘groove’…and stick with it.  Establishing your personal groove/routine is an essential part of being successful in your career. When I first started at my job, I was a unorganized mess. I had poor time management skills and I let task just pile up. One day, I buckled down and decided I’d create a routine each morning to eliminate being drowned with work.  Turns out, this totally worked.  Even if your routine/groove is a bit silly, it will not only help you stay organized, it will reduce your stress level and leave you feeling that you are on top of things.

Number 5:  Communicate.  A past mentor once told me to ‘communicate until I’m blue in the face’.  Communication with your management and team members is VERY important. Keeping work at work and home at home is all well and good, but this occasionally causes employers (and teammates) to feel left in the dark.   If you are juggling a busy schedule outside of work, let your boss know.  He or she may be able to work with you and adjust your schedule.  If you have children and you need an occasional afternoon off to volunteer at their school, keep you leader in the know.  Contrary to popular belief, managers are quite empathetic towards situations with children. If you keep them in the know, they are willing to work with you if you need a couple days off to be with a sick child, a morning off to take your child to preschool, and even may send you home early on days that work is slow.

Another point that I often stress is the importance of asking for help.  In the workplace, there is no such thing as a stupid question.  Actually, not asking can get you in more trouble and make you look for silly than actually asking the question.  In the past, I was one to keep to myself and not ask anyone for help when I was overwhelmed.  What resulted from this was a huge workload and me second guessing my work.  Long story short: It never hurts to ask.   

Number 6:  Be open to differences in ideas.  The workplace is a melting pot of all different types of people, views, beliefs, and customs.  In addition to such diversity, you may run into people that you’ll butt heads with.  If you haven’t yet, it’s bound to happen…very soon.  If you are in the situation, my best advice is to take a step back and realize that if everyone in the world thought exactly the same, the world would be a pretty boring place.  Even if think your co-worker is the most ridiculous, annoying, airhead, it’s important to be open to their ideas.  Keep in mind it takes a lot of balls for some to vocalize and suggest new ideas. 

The same thing goes for differences in people.  It’s never polite to exclude co-workers.  Even if you feel like you have nothing in common with the 50 year old secretary, the timid girl in finance, or the slightly nerdy guy in engineering, it’s important to include and be friendly to everyone.  Hey, you never know….that shy timid girl in finance could end up being your new best friend.

Number 7:  Keep your word.  If you are going to call a customer back, do it.  If you told billing you’d have all invoices in by noon, make sure they have been sent and on the billing manager’s desk by 11:59.  It’s plain and simple.  If you say are you going to do something, do it.  If you run into obstacles or need an extension on time, communicate!  By not keeping your word, you will appear unreliable…and hey, who wants that?

Number 8:  Go the extra mile.  Sometimes the going the extra mile on a task/project/report can set you apart from the rest of the crowd. Think about it, you may have spent the last few hours working on a mind numbing excel spreadsheet and would love nothing more than to press send then bolt out the door.  What harm would it cause make a quick follow up phone call to the recipient to confirm the work is done and offer support should any questions arise?  If you go that extra mile, it will not only benefit your professional image, it will make you feel better about yourself and more proud of your work.

Number 9:  Don’t be a ‘yes girl’.  For some, saying no is pretty dang easy.  But, for pleasers out there (like me), this can be a tad bit tricky.  For all of us who love to lend a helping hand, knowing when to say no is a struggle.  My best advice for fellow’ yes girls’ is to take a step back and look at your own workload before adding another’s to it.  Occasionally, our willingness to serve can be misconstrued, thus causing us to be viewed as pushovers.  If someone asks you to complete a last minute project and you already have a lot on your plate, I suggest being up front about your current workload: ‘Oh no! I wish I could help you, but I am swamped with repair tickets.’  If they push or give you an excuse why they reeeallly need your help, suggest they come back and ask in a day or two: ‘I’m busy with repairs and tickets, but can possibly get to it in a couple days. Check back with me on Thursday and I’ll have a better idea of what my workload is like.’

Number 10:  Be careful about what you post online.  If you want to be taken seriously in the workplace, I’d highly suggest tweaking your Facebook (and Twitter) privacy settings.  HR departments are checking your social media sites more than you think these days and even the smallest amount of unsavory content can keep you from getting a job.  Your friends may enjoy the pics from last summer’s trip to Vegas, but your company may not.  You may think your table dancing pictures are cute, but I bet your potential employer won’t.  One should be very careful about what is posted on the internet.  If you are one who isn’t into the whole privacy setting thing, I suggest spot checking your social media sites for anything that may put you in a bad light.  A good rule of thumb is:  If you don’t want your mom to see it…your boss won’t want to see it either.

Now it's your turn! Do any of you have any pointers that or tips that I missed? I'd love to hear!

Manners Monday: Awkward Questions

When are you going to have another kid? Have you found a teaching job yet? What ethnicity/nationality are you? How much was your house?  What is your SAT score? Is it weird having a child that doesn’t look like you? Who divorced who?

From time to time, we are asked questions that simply make us cringe.  These cringe-inducing questions are normally very personal, surrounding a topic that isn’t enjoyable to talk about, a touchy subject, or something we are self-conscious about.  Sure, there are individuals who can dish out the deepest, personal details without flinching, but on the flip side, others can find such inquiries…awkward.  In this day and age where money troubles, unemployment, fertility issues, and divorce are very common, I’m still amazed how some people can jump right into these topics.

We have all been there, and I sure know I have!  Below I’ve listed a few tips on how to handle these fun questions gracefully.

Number 1:  Be vague.  If someone inquires when you are going to start trying for another child, a vague answer (ie: soon, we’re not sure, or when the time is right) will normally deter any further questions and enable you to not go into detail on the subject.

Number 2:  Keep your cool.  Some questions can strike a nerve or tug at our heartstrings, so it’s helpful to take a step back before answering.  Giving yourself a moment can help you reply with composure and not let your emotions get in the way.  I have dealt with lots of questions regarding my divorce. Some questions were more intrusive than others but I try my hardest to not take these questions personally. If you run into a hard question like this, I suggest plastering a smile on your face, taking a step back, and replying with a vague response (for example: things didn’t work out).

Number 3:  Put the ball in their court.  If someone asks how much you paid for your house, put the ball in their court and reply “Who do you ask?”.  This will field the question back to them. Sure, some people will quickly retort back with a reason as to why they questioned, but others may not have a reason or struggle with the appropriate ‘wording’ and just drop the subject entirely.  If Molly asks you if you’re pregnant simply because she heard from another that you were, Molly may be embarrassed to admit this when the question is redirected to her.

Number 4:  Change the subject.  Sometimes you are asked questions that you really just don’t want to answer.  Sometimes a simple change of subject can be enough to dissuade any further discussion on the topic: “No, still on the hunt for a job.  So – how are you liking your job?”

Number 5:  Act happy/excited.  This is one of my favorite go-to tips.  If someone questions why you aren’t married yet, tell them you enjoy the single life. I have noticed that if you act excited, this will prevent potential negativity.

Number 6:  Throw in positives. Occasionally, there are some folks who love nothing more than getting on their soap box and offering advice.  This particular camp of people will ask a question, then offer advice on how they would handle the situation.  To change the subject and ward off unwanted advice, throwing in positive statements will do the job.

Number 7:  Know it’s OK not to talk about it.   Some people have the misconception that it’s considered rude to opt out of answering or putting a question on hold.  I disagree to this notion as one should never feel obligated to answering an icky/uncomfortable question.  If you are asked a personal question during a family dinner or event where other people are present, it’s okay to respond with “Let’s chat about this after dinner”.  I have dealt with my fare share of pushy questioners who still ask, even if I’ve completed steps 1-6.  When dealing with a pushy questioner who doesn’t get the hint, firmly telling them the following will (hopefully) help them drop the subject:

“I appreciate your concern, but I’d rather not talk about this anymore.  How are things going for you?”

“Thank you for asking, but this is a pretty sensitive subject for me and I’d rather not talk about it.”

or

“This isn’t a fun topic, how about we talk about something else?”

Unfortunately, most will drop the subject immediately after hearing the responses above, but occasionally you might run into the situation where the questioner feels you are keeping things from them or becomes offended.  If this happens, I suggest practicing the trusty ‘It’s me, not you” method.  Gently reassure them that your prerogative isn’t anything personal.

Number 8:  Control the conversation.  Even though the questions are directed to you, an easy trick to deflect attention and move into a new (less annoying) territory is to give a short answer to their question, and then turn the questions on them: "I'm doing great, thanks - and how are you and Ben doing? Where are you going on vacation this year?" Hopefully they'll be so distracted talking about their vacation plans, they'll forget to focus on you.

It’s your turn!  How do you handle awkward questions?

 I’d love to hear!

things I don't understand thursday

Things I don’t understand Thursday

Good morning everyone!  I hope you all are having a fabulous Thursday.  I’m giving the whole ‘weekly segment’ thing a try here so hopefully you like it!  If you don’t, just consider it a rookie mistake. 

Listed below are a few things that simply puzzle me.

Jersey Shore.

 All I can say is eww.

Why moms try to one-up fellow moms’ labor and delivery stories.

From what I’ve observed, some moms go into competition mode once the topic of labor is brought to the table.  They will go into graphic detail to get the crown.  The same competition goes for how sick each mom got during pregnancy.  Second and third place trophies go to the moms who can list off every TMI side effect from the ‘What to Expect’ book and claim they had it the entire pregnancy.

My love for scarves and stretchy pants.

I shamelessly will wear scarves year-round and although I already have one in every color and animal print, I somehow have this unexplained need to add to my collection.  Although, Blair Waldorf is one of my idols, I seem to ignore her guidance of tights not being pants.  If wearing yoga pants everywhere became socially acceptable, you’d know I’d be the first one to jump on that bandwagon.

Why girls take aerial self-portraits and post them all over FB.

Silly girls, everyone knows that if you hold your iPhone as high as you can over your head and take a shot of yourself while wearing a cleavage-bearing top that your 32A will magically appear to be a 34B.  You’re not fooling anyone. 

My passion for you-tubing old music videos.

N*Sync, Boys II Men, X-tina will forever be on my Youtube hitlist.

Kim Kardashian.

The fame of Kim Kardashian has always boggled me.  When I first heard about the ‘Keeping up with the Kardashians’ phenomena, I assumed Kim would be a hoot to watch as the show seemed to revolve around her.  Sadly, after 3-4 addicting episodes I realized that she was painfully boring to watch and remained painfully boring to this day. 

My unexplained desire to watch Lifetime.

D-list actresses portraying the Tonya Harding, Casey Anthony, and Mary Kay Letourneau in the most dramatic way possible?  Yes please!  With that being said, I may or may not have cancelled a date to watch an episode of ‘My life is Lifetime Movie’.

My need to Google unproductive things in my down time.

Three Men and a Baby Ghost, Larsa Pippen make-up tips, fat free snickerdoodle recipes, Miranda Kerr workout…the list goes on and on. 

Why most of the daughters of “Big Rich Texas” and “Big Rich Atlanta” are over 25, gorgeous, and single.

These bodacious blondes (and brunettes) seem to have it goin’ on.  They rich, beautiful, morally liberal (code for: will put out), and have trust funds as large as their bleach blonde hair. Sure, Whitney and the other blonde chick got engaged, but the majority are still s.i.n.g.l.e.

My obsession with Costa Vida.

There is only one thing better that Costa Vida and if you aren’t LDS or living in Utah County and guessed CAFÉ RIO, I am truly impressed.  The sexy little seductress that I call Costa Vida tempts me and tests my willpower several times a week.  Do I need ANOTHER cinnamon tortilla? I sure do.  Do I need ANOTHER bowl of chicken tortilla soup? You bet I do!  If you live in the Tri-City area, you probably have seen my yoga pants clad-presence impatiently waiting in line while the cook takes forever making my sweet tortilla.

Why Bravo casts single women on the “Real Housewives” series.

The show is called The Real HouseWIVES, not the Newly Divorced, Still Single at 40, or Real 40 Year Old Socialites. Perhaps Bravo employs the single ladies because they are more exciting (and less annoying) than select married housewives (ie: Kyle Richards).

 Not to totally get off the subject, but the definition of housewife goes as follows:  A married women whose main occupation is caring for her family, managing household affairs, and doing housework.  Do any of these women actually manage household affairs or do housework?  No.  They spend their days shopping, lunching, having snarky/gossipy conversations on speakerphone, going to benefits, and agonizing over how someone else gossiped about them. Apparently ‘Pot calling the kettle black’ means nothing in Beverly Hills.  These housewives, widows, and snarky socialite somehow manage to keep me entertained season after season. Sorry I got really off subject there…now back to my point.  I’m sure Bravo can find a few ACTUTAL housewives who are exciting enough to keep the show on the air, right?  The only single lady I’d miss would be the ‘truth cannon’ formally known as Brandi Glanville.

How the casting crew for the Bachelor finds so much crazy.

This is one of many questions I have about the casting of the Bachelor.  Do they have a preference for girls named Ashley?  Do reject college educated girls?  Does casting favor girls with jobs like ‘professional ice cream taster’ and ‘professional gymnast’? How many times in an episode do the girls need to say they have an ‘amazing connection’?

I am always amazed that each season, the casting crew seems to outdo themselves by upping the amount of crazy. I’m sure anyone can get a little crazy living in a house full of girls fighting for a rose, but I simply wouldn’t put myself in that situation. 

Airport attire/etiquette.

Somewhere, there is a memo that I didn’t read that clearly explains the proper dress code and etiquette for flying.  This memo states the following:

·         When dressing for a flight, find your most comfortable lounge wear. One is to not stress about their personal appearance when flying. Proper outfit suggestions are: baggy T-shirts, pajama bottoms, sweats, large sweatshirts, pajama shorts, and wifebeater tank tops.  For examples, please visit peopleofwalmart.com.

·         One is to arrive casually late to the airport.

·         If there is a line present when waiting for your boarding pass, sigh loudly and swear under your breath about how slow the airport staff is.

·         Take as much time as you need to find your wallet, credit card and ID when the attendant is issuing your boarding pass.

·         When one arrives at security, it isn’t polite to take off your shoes, jewelry, sunglasses, and accessories until you are asked by TSA.

·         When entering the plane, stop and carefully examine each and every overhead bin to find the perfect one for your carry -on luggage . 

·         If the passenger next to you isn’t using his/her armrest, this is a non-verbal cue that you can use it.

·         When exiting the plane, remove your luggage from the overhead bin slowly and carefully as the plane’s turbulence could have opened the top of one of your 3 oz. liquids.

What are some things that you've never been able to understand?  I’d love to hear them!

 

Manners Monday: Engaging with fellow moms

You could be walking blissfully through Target when your baby starts crying.  You instantly reach down to pick him up and a mother comes out of nowhere and says ‘You really shouldn’t pick a baby up every time they cry. You don’t want your baby to be coddled, do you?’.  You are bottle feeding your baby and a fellow mother approaches you to offer breastfeeding advice.  You could be enjoying a Gymboree class when you run into a competimommy who feels inclined to tell you how her child is pretty much way better than yours.  Who knew a child could swim, sign, repeat the entire alphabet, still take 2 naps a day,  read, and be completely potty trained before the age of two?

I give these moms the benefit of the doubt as they may not know their random, unsolicited advice or judgment is viewed a little… rude.

Below are a few simple steps to successfully engaging with other moms:

Step 1:  Practice the SAIL method.  SMILE, ASK QUESTIONS, INTRODUCE YOURSELF (and your child), and LISTEN.

Smile.  A smiling person is more approachable than someone who is sullen and frowning.  First impressions are everything and people are generally more willing to befriend a smiling person over someone with a grumpy exterior.

Asking get to know you questions not only helps you get to know another person, it helps others feel comfortable around you.  Who doesn’t enjoy talking about themselves every once in a while?

Introducing yourself (and your child) is very important.  A friendly ‘Hi, I’m Rochelle and this is Adriana.  I’ve never taken this class…Do you like the instructor/teacher?’ can do way more than ‘This is our first time…Do you like this class?’.  Although the second example is still friendly, a proper introduction and a friendly ‘Hi’ is more personal and friendly.

Listen when talking with other moms.  I can’t stress enough the importance of active listening.  Sure, your child may be running around like a tazmanian devil, but atleast try to listen.  Empty other thoughts from your mind and really listen to what the mom is saying.  This may be her first outing in weeks with actual adults.  Make eye contact, nod occasionally, and intermittently say, ‘I see" or ‘Really?’ to indicate that you not only heard but understood what was said.

Step 2: Don't be a competimommy.

Competimommy:  ‘Your little boy is so sweet. How old is he?’

Mom:  ‘Thank you!  He’s 2 and a half.  How old is yours?’

Competimommy:  ‘Mine is 2 as well…almost 3.  Wow, he sure is big for a 2 year old.  I bet he will excel at sports.  Does he take swimming?’

Mom:  ‘No, I haven’t put him in swimming yet.  Unfortunately, most of the weekend classes are full and I work on the weekdays.’

Competimommy:  ‘Oh no!  I work too, how funny!  You should try taking off work a little early.  That’s always worked for me.’

Competimommy:  (mildly interrupting) ‘Somehow we also fit playgroups and Gymboree into our schedule.  It’s just so important for children to engage with other children that even though I’m but, I still make it work’.

{child clutches diaper region}

Competimommy:  ‘I think your soon needs to be changed…Wait, is he potty trained yet?’

Mom:  ‘No, not yet.  We are working on it though’.

Competimommy:  ‘Really!!  Our little guy was trained 6 months ago.  Best of luck!’

Word to the wise:  Don’t be that girl.

Step 3:  Don’t offer unsolicited advice.

If I had a nickel for every time another mom gave me unsolicited advice, I would be able to able to fly to Paris and back…twice.  I find it a bit odd, because I know a few moms who this simply doesn’t happen to.  Maybe it happens and they don’t know it or perhaps others feel I need a little more direction than others, who knows?  Still, I’d like to feel that there are other moms out there that would be just as taken back or offended by some of this random advice.

My mom has always taught me that if someone doesn’t ask for advice, don’t give it.  If one feels absolutely inclined to hand out advice, I suggest nicely asking if they would like pointers.

Step 4:  Handle special situations with care.

Once you are on friendly grounds with a fellow mom and a relationship progresses, it’s only natural to let certain guards down.  The fellow mom may reveal that her child has disabilities, she may no longer be with the child’s father, the child’s father may be completely out of the picture, or the mom may have a same-sex partner.  Sensitive subjects like these should be handled with the utmost respect.  Too much questioning or getting into the subject too deep can rub a mother the wrong way.  Every situation is different and even if you know someone who has a child with disabilities or someone who’s ex is absentee, can cause hurt feelings if brought up to the mom.  My best advice is to listen.

Step 5:  Don’t be a Plastic.

Ten points to you if you understand the Mean Girls reference J.  I’ve read many studies on how mean girls grow up to be mean moms and I agree 100%.  It’s sad, but some women can be just as clique-ish as high school girls.  I know a few Junior League-esque Hilly Holbrook types (another 10 points if you instantly thought, THE HELP!) that are mean moms to the T.  They know all the hottest gossip about who’s recently separated, who has the newest Coach purse (the non-outlet mall variety), and can recite every detail of why one mom is feuding with another.  Unfortunately, some can find all the gossip a little unsettling.  Some people gossip…it’s their thing.  However, I suggest knowing your audience.  Before going into a tangent on how Noelle in your mommy and me class has a fake Longchamp and is so tacky, take a step back and know your audience.  A daily dose of snark may make ones day, but on the flip side, it may turn someone off to you, completely.

Lastly, a lot of parents seem to forget that our children repeat everything.  I used to service in Primary at church and boy oh boy, I’d get all KINDS of personal info about their parents.  That being said, if you don’t want another mom at playgroup knowing your true feeling about her, I’d suggest not vocalizing them around your kids.  Better yet, maybe don’t vocalize them at all.

Step 6:  Keep the SAHM/Working mom judgement under wraps.

If you can’t fathom how one could leave their children for 8 hours a day, it’s normally best to internalize that thought.  Likewise, if you think staying at home all day/everyday would drive you up the wall….It’s only polite to not vocalize your opinion on the subject.  Remember, everyone has a choice on what is best for their children.  It is never polite to vocalize your opinion on another mom’s choice to stay at home or work.  Since this is a sensitive subject to a lot of moms, I recommend being curious, not judgmental.  Both parties of moms tend to have their guards up and feel they need to overexplain themselves once this subject is brought up.  A good way of broaching the topic is: ‘That’s really cool! What is a normal day like for you?’  By asking this non-threatening question, the other mom will be at ease and know you are genuinely interested in her life.

Step 7:  Be respectful during play dates.

As much as I adore Brandi Glanville, it irks me that she just brushed off the fact that her sons feed on another person’s lawn.  Come on, who does that?  Anywho, I feel it’s important to have a ‘When in Rome’ mindset when it comes to play dates.  First, try not to show up too early or too late.  If you are like me, I normally get the best cleaning done before guests show up and if someone shows up too early, it really ruins the cleaning process.  It also can be viewed as rude to show up late.  Second, being mindful of another’s house rules is a must.  If the house rules call for shoes to be taken off at the door, take off your shoes.  If the hosting mother has a formal living room, try and keep your children from exploring it.  Also, keep an eye on the host mom’s children.  If the mother doesn’t bat an eyelash as her children run from room to room, slide down the stairs, and play with the baby grand piano, she may not mind if your child does the same.  Still, I would refrain from letting your child let loose in someone else’s home.  I would wait for verbal/non-verbal cues from the host mom.  Third, practice proper etiquette.  Even if you are used to making yourself at home in the kitchen, finding your own way to the restroom, and just plopping down wherever there is a free seat, on a first time visit to someone’s house it’s only proper for the host to direct you.  Sure, it may be easier guiding yourself to the restroom, but what if that restroom is broken?  What if the host mom has a restroom specifically for guests?  What if the host mom may feel uncomfortable with people helping her out in the kitchen?  In addition to this, make sure both you and your children mind your Ps and Qs.  Ensure that you and your children offer a warm thank you prior to leaving.  Lastly, please clean up after yourself.  Make sure your kids clean up too.

 Step 8:  Don’t brag.

I’m sure life is so hard when you are mistaken for Lauren Conrad everywhere you go, but do we all have to hear it on a regular basis?

No one likes a bragger.  I know a few gals who just love to toot their own horn.  It’s cute at first but after awhile it can get pretty annoying.  For all the braggers out there, I suggest you direct your braggy comments elsewhere…like Facebook.

Step 9:  Try not to be cliquey

Although it’s natural for people to gravitate towards certain types of people with similar interests/values/lifestyles, it’s important to be social with everyone.  To be totally honest, finding other mom friends is hard.  I’m sure many others out there feel the same way.  It takes a lot of certain women to step out of their comfort zone and engage with other women.  One reason it’s so hard for some is because of the cliquishness.  I strongly suggest making everyone feel welcome in whatever environment you’re in.  If you’re at toddler story time and you see a mom sitting alone, invite her over.  If there is a new mom in your congregation/ward, invite her over for a playdate.

On the flip side – A lot of moms still encounter cliquishness, even after several get to know you attempts.  If this happens to you, keep in mind that you aren’t doing anything wrong.  Some women are too set in their ways to let others in.  Sadly enough, the need to band tightly together and not let others in normally stems from some sort of self-esteem issue.

Step 10:  Playgroup isn’t a fashion show.

Dressing your kids up is fun, but not always appropriate. Be realistic in how you dress your child. He or she should be wearing shoes they can safely run around in.  I’ve seen so many children slip because of poor-fitting or overly-dressy shoes.  Also, dress them in play clothes.  Save the dresses, tights, and hair bows for church and special occasions.  Kids tend to get messy in playgroup, after all, and they should feel comfortable enough to do so.  They should wear clothes that are okay to spill paint on or are suitable for sliding down the slide.   This goes for moms too.  Sure, you may feel inclined to dress to the nines for a playdate, but remember... you will be chasing little ones around and may want comfort over style.