things I don't understand thursday

Things I don’t understand Thursday

Good morning everyone!  I hope you all are having a fabulous Thursday.  I’m giving the whole ‘weekly segment’ thing a try here so hopefully you like it!  If you don’t, just consider it a rookie mistake. 

Listed below are a few things that simply puzzle me.

Jersey Shore.

 All I can say is eww.

Why moms try to one-up fellow moms’ labor and delivery stories.

From what I’ve observed, some moms go into competition mode once the topic of labor is brought to the table.  They will go into graphic detail to get the crown.  The same competition goes for how sick each mom got during pregnancy.  Second and third place trophies go to the moms who can list off every TMI side effect from the ‘What to Expect’ book and claim they had it the entire pregnancy.

My love for scarves and stretchy pants.

I shamelessly will wear scarves year-round and although I already have one in every color and animal print, I somehow have this unexplained need to add to my collection.  Although, Blair Waldorf is one of my idols, I seem to ignore her guidance of tights not being pants.  If wearing yoga pants everywhere became socially acceptable, you’d know I’d be the first one to jump on that bandwagon.

Why girls take aerial self-portraits and post them all over FB.

Silly girls, everyone knows that if you hold your iPhone as high as you can over your head and take a shot of yourself while wearing a cleavage-bearing top that your 32A will magically appear to be a 34B.  You’re not fooling anyone. 

My passion for you-tubing old music videos.

N*Sync, Boys II Men, X-tina will forever be on my Youtube hitlist.

Kim Kardashian.

The fame of Kim Kardashian has always boggled me.  When I first heard about the ‘Keeping up with the Kardashians’ phenomena, I assumed Kim would be a hoot to watch as the show seemed to revolve around her.  Sadly, after 3-4 addicting episodes I realized that she was painfully boring to watch and remained painfully boring to this day. 

My unexplained desire to watch Lifetime.

D-list actresses portraying the Tonya Harding, Casey Anthony, and Mary Kay Letourneau in the most dramatic way possible?  Yes please!  With that being said, I may or may not have cancelled a date to watch an episode of ‘My life is Lifetime Movie’.

My need to Google unproductive things in my down time.

Three Men and a Baby Ghost, Larsa Pippen make-up tips, fat free snickerdoodle recipes, Miranda Kerr workout…the list goes on and on. 

Why most of the daughters of “Big Rich Texas” and “Big Rich Atlanta” are over 25, gorgeous, and single.

These bodacious blondes (and brunettes) seem to have it goin’ on.  They rich, beautiful, morally liberal (code for: will put out), and have trust funds as large as their bleach blonde hair. Sure, Whitney and the other blonde chick got engaged, but the majority are still s.i.n.g.l.e.

My obsession with Costa Vida.

There is only one thing better that Costa Vida and if you aren’t LDS or living in Utah County and guessed CAFÉ RIO, I am truly impressed.  The sexy little seductress that I call Costa Vida tempts me and tests my willpower several times a week.  Do I need ANOTHER cinnamon tortilla? I sure do.  Do I need ANOTHER bowl of chicken tortilla soup? You bet I do!  If you live in the Tri-City area, you probably have seen my yoga pants clad-presence impatiently waiting in line while the cook takes forever making my sweet tortilla.

Why Bravo casts single women on the “Real Housewives” series.

The show is called The Real HouseWIVES, not the Newly Divorced, Still Single at 40, or Real 40 Year Old Socialites. Perhaps Bravo employs the single ladies because they are more exciting (and less annoying) than select married housewives (ie: Kyle Richards).

 Not to totally get off the subject, but the definition of housewife goes as follows:  A married women whose main occupation is caring for her family, managing household affairs, and doing housework.  Do any of these women actually manage household affairs or do housework?  No.  They spend their days shopping, lunching, having snarky/gossipy conversations on speakerphone, going to benefits, and agonizing over how someone else gossiped about them. Apparently ‘Pot calling the kettle black’ means nothing in Beverly Hills.  These housewives, widows, and snarky socialite somehow manage to keep me entertained season after season. Sorry I got really off subject there…now back to my point.  I’m sure Bravo can find a few ACTUTAL housewives who are exciting enough to keep the show on the air, right?  The only single lady I’d miss would be the ‘truth cannon’ formally known as Brandi Glanville.

How the casting crew for the Bachelor finds so much crazy.

This is one of many questions I have about the casting of the Bachelor.  Do they have a preference for girls named Ashley?  Do reject college educated girls?  Does casting favor girls with jobs like ‘professional ice cream taster’ and ‘professional gymnast’? How many times in an episode do the girls need to say they have an ‘amazing connection’?

I am always amazed that each season, the casting crew seems to outdo themselves by upping the amount of crazy. I’m sure anyone can get a little crazy living in a house full of girls fighting for a rose, but I simply wouldn’t put myself in that situation. 

Airport attire/etiquette.

Somewhere, there is a memo that I didn’t read that clearly explains the proper dress code and etiquette for flying.  This memo states the following:

·         When dressing for a flight, find your most comfortable lounge wear. One is to not stress about their personal appearance when flying. Proper outfit suggestions are: baggy T-shirts, pajama bottoms, sweats, large sweatshirts, pajama shorts, and wifebeater tank tops.  For examples, please visit peopleofwalmart.com.

·         One is to arrive casually late to the airport.

·         If there is a line present when waiting for your boarding pass, sigh loudly and swear under your breath about how slow the airport staff is.

·         Take as much time as you need to find your wallet, credit card and ID when the attendant is issuing your boarding pass.

·         When one arrives at security, it isn’t polite to take off your shoes, jewelry, sunglasses, and accessories until you are asked by TSA.

·         When entering the plane, stop and carefully examine each and every overhead bin to find the perfect one for your carry -on luggage . 

·         If the passenger next to you isn’t using his/her armrest, this is a non-verbal cue that you can use it.

·         When exiting the plane, remove your luggage from the overhead bin slowly and carefully as the plane’s turbulence could have opened the top of one of your 3 oz. liquids.

What are some things that you've never been able to understand?  I’d love to hear them!