things i don’t understand thursday: the female edition

Happy Thursday everyone!  A couple weeks ago I posted a few things that puzzle me about the male species.  I’m going to flip the script this week as this post is aimed towards to female side of things.  If you have ever been in a sorority, on an all-girls team, or been in an environment with tons of women you are bound to meet LOTS of different personalities.

Diversity is a wonderful, fabulous thing…but occasionally you may encounter gals that make you take a step back and think to yourself ‘Seriously!! What is her deal?’

Contrary to popular belief, not all girls fit into the ‘sugar and spice and everything nice’ camp.  Not all women have tact and know what’s appropriate.  Not all ladies actually know how to act like ladies.

Here we go!! Enjoy!

Frenemies. Call me crazy, but I’ve never understood the dynamic of having a ‘frenemy’.  The whole idea is just so unhealthy.  I’m a competitive person by nature, but I’ve never ever ever ever had the need to want to compete with a friend.

Workout wear.  As glamorous as I try to be, I seriously don’t understand why some girls doll themselves up the way they do.  The whole shebang consisting of a face full of make-up, perfectly curled hair, and a perfectly matched outfit is a tad too much in my opinion.  You’ve probably seen them, glistening gently, while attempting to read their Glamour mag, take a drink of water (from a bottle that coincidently matches their outfit), and text while going half the normal speed on the elliptical.

Checking boyfriend/husband’s phone.  I know MANY of girls who are prone to checking their boyfriend’s phone on occasion. I’ve seen it all, everything from the simple run to the bathroom with his phone for a quick peak into who he’s been texting to actually checking his phone, nightly, after he goes to sleep.  It’s understandable that different girls have different relationship dynamics and they are probably used to this type of thing, but it still makes me think that they need to be looking at why they need to do this.  What do they think they’ll find?  If they feel their man is keeping things from them and the only way they’ll find out is through being sneaky and checking his phone, there is definitely a big problem.

The Mark Zuckerberg effect.  Facebook, Facebook, Facebook….where shall I start?  Facebook does great things.  It connects people and gives you the opportunity to keep in touch with family, friends, and loved ones.  Facebook gives you the opportunity to share personal milestones and expose new chapters in life in real time.  That being said, some gals see where others are in life and start to feel a bit bad.  The 20s are a tough time for everyone, so seeing Jane’s status update about her new corporate job in a high rise can be a tad unsettling if you are still shuffling papers at your (unpaid) internship.  Tuning in over Christmas break and seeing shiny rocks and happy engagement posts can really put life in perspective for someone who has struggled dating.  I’ve had a few friends come to me while they were in major slumps in life.  At first they couldn’t identify why they were in such a slump, but after breaking things down a bit they discovered it was triggered by a couple Facebook posts.  Long story short, no matter how secure a woman is, Facebook does have a weird way of making us think ‘Wow, she has a hot husband/clean house/big house/Louboutins/better figure/kids/better job than me/more friends/more money/better hair…What am I doing wrong?’

Lindsay Lohan syndrome.  Bless her sweet little heart.  What has happened to the sweet Lindsay causing a ruckus in the Parent Trap?  What happened to the Lindsay I was so jealous of because she got to kiss Chad Michael Murray during Freaky Friday?  Somewhere between Georgia Rule and her 1st rehab stint, she went downhill…fast.

Back to my point.  I have always questioned why certain females have a Lindsay Lohan-syndrome where staying out all night partying, getting arrested, and assaulting people is common.  I have known a few girls that execute the Vegas/bachelorette style drinking every weekend.  These weekend warriors live to party.  I’m all for people celebrating what’s important to them, and hey…if you’d rather spend every weekend partying it up, more power to them.  The only problem I have with these pre-funk princesses is their reluctance to enjoy situations that aren’t fuelled with alcohol.  I’ve seen major anxiety and discontent at events where drinking isn’t present.  I’ve seen lots of anger over brunch invitations, who knew suggesting 11:00am on a Saturday was such a big no no?  Ugh.  Another thing I wonder is if these folks are so used to drinking, how in the world do they still lose things, get into altercations, and get sick?  One would think that a seasoned person would know their limit, know NOT to ask another girl at a charity event if her dress is real or a knock off, or for goodness sakes know NOT to leave your TB clutch on the table when you go to the restroom because that shiz will be gone before you know it and you’ll be out $350 dollars.

Kettle black criticism.  Before you start shaking your finger at me, let me retract for a second.  I strongly believe that EVERYONE is beautiful.  No matter what disability, race, creed, gender, height, jean size, hair color/texture, amount of freckles, skin complexion, or what labels your rocking, I see beauty in everyone.  Unfortunately, there are a lot of people that don’t.  What is even more unfortunate is sometimes people who may be battling an certain vanity/self-esteem issue will target others with the same issue and criticize them.  It happens all the time and it seriously bugs the crap out of me.  Just last week, I heard a women with a stronger build gossip about another, making several comments about her weight and went on to state that her husband should maybe limit her diet because she’s ‘let herself go’. Rude, rude, rude.  I wanted to march over to the gossipy lady and snatch the greasy fried chicken and fries from her just because of the weight comment.

I’ve noticed over time that someone who is unhappy with their looks, will highlight other’s problems instead of working on their own.  In the past, I had a beautiful friend who had very intense vanity/self-confidence issues and went about criticizing others in a very unique way.  At first, instead of being judgmental towards others she would ‘fish’ for negative comments about other girls.  When talking to guys, she would suggest a friend that was definitely not the guy’s type and fish for reasons why he didn’t want to date her.  Normally the reasons would include the gal’s weight, which was interesting as this gal’s main problem was with her weight.  She then would go about setting up a group gathering after telling the friend that the guy was interested.  Normally, the girl’s feelings would be majorly hurt because hey, it would totally suck to think a guy totally digs you and then find out in an embarrassing way in front of both his friends and yours that he doesn’t.  In the end, the gal who set everything up would take conscious effort in comforting her friend who was rejected and act as if she had no clue in the world that this would happen.  The gal that I spoke of was able to feel better about herself, but it was at the cost to others.  Although I don’t have much communication with this gal anymore, I sincerely hope that she will outgrow this pattern and learn that she has so much to offer.

Jealousy.  I don’t mean to be that girl, but Keri Hilson was spot on when she said ‘jealousy is the ugliest trait’.  Jealousy IS ugly and very unproductive.  I heard somewhere that jealousy is essentially counting someone else’s blessings instead of your own.  I love that quote because if you look at everything and covet what they have, you don’t have time to notice what you actually have.  It’s sad how girls will become jealous of someone else and assume that the person is stuck up/mean/rude just because they are pretty.  I don’t like the notion that all ‘pretty girls’ know they are pretty.  It’s true, some girls let the beauty go to their head, but most don’t.  Some of the most beautiful people I’ve met have turned out to be the nicest, most humble girls around.  I’ve also seen jealousy turn a great friendship into a toxic one.  In this day and age, I’m saddened to see that us women can’t be happy for each other.

Cliquiness and exclusivity.  The hardest part of planning a party/get together for me would be finding people’s addresses.  For some girls, the hardest part is the guest list.  Who knew creating a guest list would be so trying? Personally, I’d be exhausted if I took half the time other’s spend deciding who they should invite, who will be upset if they aren’t invited, how to deal with ones who didn’t make the cut, what to say to the people that aren’t coming, how to respond if someone questions why a person isn’t coming, wondering if people judge them by not inviting said person, and so forth.  Not much ticks me off more than this.  If I have a party, I invite everyone. If there is strife between the girls I’m inviting, I’d suggest they put their big girl panties on and deal with it.  Never in a million years would I let someone talk me out of inviting another friend.  This actually happened to me a couple of years ago where a vacation was planned, the plane tickets were bought, and guess who wasn’t invited…me.  My being an advocate for never excluding people I was more annoyed with the situation than sad.  The funny thing was that the gal who was planning it didn’t really try to keep it private.  I actually didn’t find out about said trip until not 1, but 2 coworkers AND my brother questioned why I wasn’t going.  It gets worse.  To add insult to injury, the following week I was approached by a female acquaintance who alerted me that she was invited, but politely declined because she didn’t know the girls too well.

This seems silly, but this situation really put things in perspective for me.  Despite my girly girl, pageant loving, let’s do our nails while we watch the bachelor nature, I’ve never had too many female friends growing up.  Being pretty naïve and inexperienced in female friendships, I was quick to give the benefit of the doubt, quick to let things slide, and even quicker to forgive.  Sadly, this isn’t the first time things have gotten rocky with this particular group of gals.  Something about this situation just stuck out and made me see things clearly.  As much as I wanted friends, I didn’t need to lose my self-respect in order to keep them.   Bottom line: friends don’t exclude friends.

I apologize for getting SO off track there!  Sometimes we all need to vent, right?  Now it’s your turn!!  What things puzzle you about the wonderful female gender?

Much love!

1 comment:

  1. I have to share this with you because I think I have a frenemy - unbeknownst to me: last Saturday one of my "girlfriends" had a party at her place to watch a basketball game. She invited everyone, but my husband and me, from our circle. I had no idea about the party and happened to see a picture posted on Instagram. It was a cute picture and I "liked" it. At this point, I have to admit my feelings were slightly hurt, but I thought - no big deal. Not 5 minutes after I "liked" the picture I received a phone call from the girl and when I answered all I could hear in the background was everyone having a good time and partying it up. At first I thought, Oh, random butt dial. Then I realized I have not talked to this girl on the phone in 2 weeks aside from text messages - there is no way she accidentally called me. In a nutshell, she had a party and then rubbed it in my face that I wasn't invited. And no....we aren't in middle school - we TEACH middle school.


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